On this Christmas eve, I wish a Merry Birth of Christ our Savior to my Crusader brothers and sisters.
I would also like to take that opportunity to appeal to their benevolence and suggest the following idea:
Unlike those Socialist miscreants who will 'celebrate' Christmas' just to get drunk presents, demonstrating once again their lack of morality and their spiritual weakness, you will set up a Christmas crib. There is Mary, Joseph, surrounded by the ox, the donkey and maybe a few sheep. Plus three kings and the star. Passed midnight, back from the mass, you will not fail to add the baby Jesus.
If you're serious about it, you probably managed to place some shepherds too, with the crucial lamb. And I'm sure your Christmas crib looks wonderful.
But let me risk a guess, dear Crusader brothers and Crusader sisters: am I right in thinking that most of you never considered adding a nice little piggy to the scene?
Why not? After all:
1) Piggies are funny and likeable. Ask Disney.
2) Despite a persistent slander, the pig is a very clean animal. Unlike the average would-be Jihadi from a Parisian suburb, pigs won't crap out their living space, which is why would-be Jihadis hate them.
3) Pigs are very intelligent, social and sensitive, which is more than you can say about your average Jihadi, and this is why they hate pigs.
4) When you're lucky to have a piggy pal, you can stuff your face with truffles anytime. All you need is an oak.
5) Pigs sing to court their female, who also sings to their piglets. Pigs like family and music, which is more than you can say about your average Jihadi, and this is also why they hate pigs.
6) Piggies are yummy. But you shouldn't be eating your piggy pal, only feast on anonymous hogs. Yeah, with truffles.
7) Pigs dig us, humans, which is more than you can say about your average Jihadi, and this is another reason why they hate pigs (and humans).
The Jihadis fear piggy wiggy, which is why the previous 7 virtues reasons don't matter really: that one only should be enough for you to love piggies.
Anybody hated by the scumbags zealots of the Religion of Decapitation is your friend and ally, dontcha think?
I'm fairly confident the force of these arguments convinced you that your wonderful Christmas crib has to be improved with such a Jihadi repellent as our buddy piggy.
If so, don't bother finding an open shop to buy a piggy wiggy for your Christmas crib. Let me be your Santa Claus, oink, oink.
Grab this Action (Frog)man Piggy Buddy® (click for the large one), print it and give it to your kid (or say, to the Socialist asshole who married your sister and therefore has to be invited for Christmas Eve as well) to snip it along the dotted line. Then fold it appropriately and place it in your anti-Jihadi Christmas crib.
Naah, you don't need further instructions. Everybody here, including the paper piggy, is smarter than a Jihadi and a Socialist stepbrother combined.
You'll figure it out, while I stuff my face with truffles.
Merry Christmas, oink, oink.